Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Rabbit Rabbit

Well here we are already into February of the new year. It would appear that this year will be very interesting. Honestly, I've been busier than a chimp in a beat off contest. However, I could feel my birthday looming ahead (Jan 27Th) and I couldn't be more unenthusiastic about it. As a child, my birthday was never a big deal. We didn't have a lot of money to do anything extravagant. One year, my parents took my sister and I to Chuck E. Cheese for my birthday. I received the tree house play set from The Shirt Tales and spent most of the evening mesmerized by the mechanical Elvis impersonating dog. The best part was that my dad stole a bunch of birthday hats and noisemakers from a neighboring table that was set up for a party.

As I got older (16+), I made my birthday a self imposed week of celebration and debauchery. When I turned 16yrs old, we had a huge party complete with 4 bands and 3 kegs. I still went to Chuck E Cheese each year out of tradition. I'll spare you the details of all the debauchery but it was pretty extraordinary. At that age, I never ever considered what 20 would be or 22, let alone where I am today.

The last few birthdays have been pretty tame and quiet. As the years inch by, I'm very reluctant to age. This birthday was a tough one for me. So much has changed in my life that at times, I feel like I'm starting all over again. Why are we so cautious to age? Where does this stigma related to "getting old" come from(especially for women)? To tell you the truth, I just don't feel as special as I once did. And I'm starting to think I never will which sounds horribly grim.

Here's my dilemma: I do not plan on having children and I'm very indifferent towards marriage so when do I have my one "special day?" Never from the looks of it! Granted, I have made those decisions for myself and I am happy with them. But there comes an age, when the married childbearing people reap all the benefits. My birthday may very well be the only day I get to myself and it's not socially acceptable for a 30, 40, or 50yr old to make a spectacle of birthdays. Am I being ridiculous? Quit possibly, but hear me out.

Throughout my own personal self inflicted lament, I managed to have a very lovely birthday thanks to my wonderful friends. Living alone in Austin for so many years, I (like most of you) have created my own family of friends who pose as an amazing support system while my real family is miles away. I couldn't ask for a better group of people to be surrounded by. The overwhelming amount of adulation, respect, generosity, and loyalty I have received is unbelievable. I am so fortunate to have such great people in my life. You have all warmed my cold black heart. I thank you for everything you've done for me.

Love Always,

No comments:

Post a Comment