Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Worst of 2011

Oscar nominations were announced this morning and it has created a huge stir. I'm upset about certain snubs, but I'll leave that rant for the Oscar Predictions post to come later. Today in honor of the nominations, I will discuss the worst films of 2011. I managed to dodge most of the shitty flicks out there like these.

I did watch HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2, but I will leave it off this list. It's in a class all on its own. In all my movie going experiences, I have never witnessed a more polarized & vocal audience in a theater. For all the shit that spews (literally) from CENTIPEDE 2, it has character. I will say, I'd love to watch this again instead of some of the other Oscar nominated films like THE HELP, WARHORSE, BRIDESMAIDS, DESCENDANTS, or whatever else feel good movie bile you wanna toss my way. I also guarantee this film is far more enjoyable than the latest TWILIGHT bullshit.

Without further adieu:

This film got rave reviews by many credible people. I just thought it was really, really overrated. It was painfully slow to begin with and none of the characters really stood out. I'm not saying TROLLHUNTER was a bad movie, I just didn't enjoy it as much as everyone else did. It was definitely lacking something for me.

First of all, this is not a bad film. I just could not stop cringing at the sight of it! Here's the deal, I hate clowns! They scare me more than Republicans. This film was so scary I couldn't even enjoy it. There's a scene where one clown asks the other clown why he wanted to be a clown in the first place. He responds, "Because if I wasn't a clown, I'd be a murderer." What the fuck!? Terrifying!!!

I like Gosling, I think he's an underrated actor that's often overshadowed by his boyish good looks. He suffers from Leo DiCaprio syndrome. Anyhow, Gosling is good in this film, but not enough to carry it. I think the script was weak and the cast just didn't work. There's a couple graphic scenes in it that felt really misplaced and too ambitious. I actually said to myself during one particular scene, "this is such a Gaspar Noe ripoff." Later come to find out the director, Nicolas Winding Refn, sought advice from Gaspar NoƩ on how to make the scene brutal and realistic. Go figure.

The first HATCHET was slightly entertaining. There's some unique kills and absolutely no plot much like other classic slasher flicks. HATCHET 2 follows the same script as the first. I expected this one to be a little more enjoyable since Danielle Harris was starring and because of all the stir it caused by being pulled from theaters after two days (it was unrated). There was nothing redeeming about HATCHET 2; not even the kills were interesting. I actually began to doze off during the climax and I never fall asleep during movies. It was like watching that one douche bag at the bar trying really hard to pick up girls. The guy happens to be the director, Adam Green.

I have to say, I liked the arcade game Alamo set up in the lobby a lot more than the actual film. Is there such genre as Canadian-sploitation? If so, I'd like to avoid all films with this tag. I'm searching for words to describe this feature and the only thing that come to mind is "stupid." Don't get me wrong, I enjoy tongue in cheek horror films. This piece of crap fails to be funny, witty, entertaining, or even shocking. I did appreciate the brief cameo of Ricky from Trailer Park Boys.

Americans must be getting dumber because comedies are getting more and more moronic. Case in point, this trash! I hate Ed Helms and I hate The Office. This was like an Office feature film. Think of the worst jokes wrapped up in the most predictable script ever and there you have CEDAR RAPIDS. Not even John C. Reilly could save this sinking ship.

I swear I really wanted to like this film; I just couldn't. I loved MOON and still think Duncan Jones has great potential as a director, but this film was all wrong. SOURCE CODE was nothing more than a jazzed up version of GROUNDHOG DAY minus the ever hilarious Bill Murray. I think Gyllenhaal was a terrible choice for the lead. I really hope this is not the last we see of Duncan Jones.

Shame on me for letting my guard down and taking a chance on something. I couldn't even make it through the entire film; I watched maybe thirty minutes! I should have known this was going to be a huge turd since the only recognizable "star" was some bitch from TWILIGHT. I get the impression the director really wanted to capture the same essence of DAZED AND CONFUSED; coincidentally it was also filmed in Texas. I promptly shut off the DVD when some asshole Abercrombie & Fitch poster child started sarcastically reciting lines from ANNIE HALL. You only get to quote ANNIE HALL if your name is Blake Schwarzenbach.

Enough with the possession films! Seriously, I have yet to see any possession film that is remotely watchable. I really hope Sir Anthony Hopkins was possessed because I can't for the life of me understand why he didn't wipe his ass with this script. What was he thinking? I also couldn't be more sick of this whole "based on true events" crap. Bottom line, this movie sucks!

Dishonorable Mention
I'm not exactly certain if this came out in 2011, but I hated it so much I can't leave it off the list. Kiera Knightly is a terrible actress to begin with! I wanted to give it a chance because Mark Romanek is so revered for his other work. It dragged on for way too long, the cast had no chemistry, and the plot was way too compliant. I can't wait for this trend of distopian society films to end. Hollywood is really beating a dead horse with this genre. Maybe Romanek should stick with directing music videos.

Feel free to air you own grievances.


  1. Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

    "Maybe this one will make up for Tim Burton's previous mistake. Hollywood should be a little older and wiser now and learn from it's mistakes because we really do need MORE Planet of the Apes movies. That premise still has meat, right? Right." -Vince as he naively unsheathes his debit card.

    This post is well put.. http://videogum.com/426971/the-andy-serkis-oscar-campaign-is-a-bit-much/awards/

  2. I haven't made a Worst of 2011 list but if/when I do, I think that YOUR HIGHNESS will be at the top. It was a huge turd of a film. I'm disappointed in myself for watching the entire thing.

    Aside from the movie BRIDESMAIDS, I didn't see any of the films on this post. Of course, I will still try to see TROLL HUNTER & DRIVE. I just can't help myself.