Saturday, August 6, 2011


Many apologies to my faithful readers for the lack of consistency in recent months. My daily routine has become all too consuming. I’d like to also add that Jeremy G and I have been hitting the gym like Rocky & Apollo. However, my absence is no excuse! Today I’d like to discuss a very serious topic that is affecting the world: remakes

Now I won’t condemn all remakes (just most) because there may be a few out there that are worthwhile. I want to talk about the lack of originality in current American cinema. I target American cinema because this occurrence is so profound in the US. You don’t necessarily see the Japanese remaking LEGALLY BLONDE or a French version of THE HANGOVER. I won’t say I hate all remakes; I think CAPE FEAR (Scorsese version) & THE DEPARTED are wonderful films.

I’ve tolerated it enough (as I’m sure you have too) and now I have reached my breaking point. I have endured countless films of classic films that were once sacred to me like NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, PSYCHO, and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. The horror genre is not the only victim, how about TRON, BONNIE & CLYDE, CONAN THE BARBARIAN, or FOOTLOOSE (they’ve even tapped the shitty film market).

I have come to accept the fact that Hollywood intends to stomp all over my childhood with no apologies. However, the minute I heard of an EVIL DEAD remake, I was crushed. Then I hear that not only is Sam Raimi producing this garbage, but Bruce Campbell is behind it too! My despair turned to rage. How can any self respecting horror fan support this atrocity?

I’m not saying EVIL DEAD is my favorite film ever, but it’s definitely something I hold near and dear. I like to refer to it as the other holy trinity. Ash has become an unsung hero throughout the years. His character is a champion of underdogs. With a legendary chin that supersedes the owner, can you see anyone else as Ash? While I have read the message boards like a frightened child with his hands over his face peeking through fingers, the casting rumors are far more gut wrenching. How dare the words EVIL DEAD and Ryan Reynolds be uttered in the same sentence! Why not do a remake of THE SHINING staring Keanu Reeves while you’re at it?

I think we need to look at the bigger picture here and analyze what American culture has become. I won't go into my whole tirade of globalization, but keep that in mind. I think as Americans, our society has hit a wall. We no longer progress but remain stagnant and continue to regurgitate the same boring ideas. Just look at our economy; we continue to make the same mistakes. That's all for another post. Remakes, reboots, re-installments, re-imaginations, even sequels, whatever you want to call it, 90% of these films are bad! Americans should be outraged that Hollywood has completely given up on creativity. I refuse to pay $10 to see a water downed duplication of some shit movie I had no intention of seeing ten years ago. Most of all, I refuse to see some paltry "re-imagination" of a flawless film I hold to high regards (OLDBOY, LET THE RIGHT ON IN). When will this end? When will originality come back into style? When will we put our foots down?

If something doesn't change soon, I really am moving to France to work at the Silencio bar. Here's a thought: Why not tap into the superhero/comic book realm? That market hasn't been touched at all.

Special thanks to long time reader and friend Vince C. for the vintage EVIL DEAD tee; I shall wear it with pride! Also, a big "fuck you" to Sam Raimi for your betrayal is of George Lucas proportions.


  1. I feel the same way about song covers, it just makes you long for the original.

    I read yesterday that "they" are making Battleship: The Movie. So, keep Air France on speed-dial cuz the shit machine is off the rails here. I'm sure someday you'll come across some American website announcing Battleship: The Movie: The Remake (coming to a theater near you!) as you serenely sip Merlot in Johnny Depp's villa.

    ps. you're welcome

  2. Totally agree. I hate to be part of society composed of mindless drones who regurgitate television advertising and are willing to go watch Final Destination 5. Ugh. Coincidentally enough Andrew Form, producer of such shit remakes that make your blood boil like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, Amityville Horror, and Nightmare on Elm Street, was eating at Sullivan's last night. I should have spit in his burger.

  3. You took my thoughts and put them into words. Preach on...lady...preach on.