Guilty as Charged

The other day, a friend of mine asked me what my musical guilty pleasure is. With very little thought, I immediately replied NSYNC. Although, I don't necessarily believe in "guilty pleasures." I don't think you should be embarrassed of anything you choose to enjoy (except Jersey Shore). Obviously, like many teens I had several selections of music I did not want my friends to know I listened to. I was forced to hide my Billy Joel, NKOTB, Boys II Men, and Air Supply tapes in Black Flag or Misfits cases. Nowadays, I proudly proclaim my love for Bay City Rollers, Lionel Richie, Take That, Dashboard Confessional, and most of all The Outfield. I'm comfortable with my taste in music.

It's interesting how music usually comes full circle. Lots of long forgotten bands reform because there's still an audience for that genre and there's always someone discovering it for the first time. Honestly, I was listening to Journey and Hall & Oats long before it got cool to like them again, no thanks to The Sopranos and that Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie.

Lately, I've been reading a lot of books related to music. It made me realize that I don't really listen to much music after 1996 which is a little disheartening. There's just a few bands I've gotten into in the last decade; many are spin-offs of previous bands. I don't feel the need to be up to date with current trends on Pitchfork, but I am always open to new suggestions. Here's a few of my own "guilty pleasures."

Michael McDonald
Man, I sure do love soft rock! The songs are so catchy and light; you can't help but sing-along. Songs like this remind me of being a kid and driving around in my mom's burnt orange Maverick without a care in the world.



Take That
I will always have a little place in my cold black heart for boy bands. It's such a great formula that has worked through and through. It probably started with NKOTB (Joey was my fave). We couldn't really afford to go to big concerts like that back then and I was always jealous of the girls who came back with giant buttons and over sized t-shirts. When I got older, I had the opportunity to see NYSNC on the Pop Odyssey tour and it was such a blast; I felt like 10yr old Priscilla finally had redemption. Take That stands out among the boy banders because they have been probably the most successful and credible. They never got quit that big in the US, but in the UK they were huge even after Robbie left.



Gin Blossoms
This is a band I made fun of in the 90s. There was nothing goth or punk about them so they were definitely on my shit list. As I've gotten older, some of my tastes have changed (or at least become less judgemental). After listening to New Miserable Experience a couple times, I realize Gin Blossoms had some gems. I also have a soft spot for them as a result of watching EMPIRE RECORDS too many times. I've also rediscovered Soul Asylum; the 90s were an interesting time for music and Winona Ryder.



Rick Springfield
Rick holds a special place in the hearts of many women over the age of 40. So how you ask, did I come to be completely enamored by Rick. My mom used to watch this cheesy prime time drama in which Rick played a detective by night and a surfer by day. The show didn't last very long, but Rick's charisma left a lasting impression on me. I further investigated his catalog and discovered some rocking tunes. I also love how he used his dog for most of his album covers.



Dashboard Confessional
Also, a band I made fun of in 2001. I once saw Chris open for some random hardcore band. He had a guitar and a stool. At the time, it seemed like the lamest thing but in hindsight I realize that actually took a lot of guts. To go from being in a pseudo-hardcore band to playing cheesy love songs on an acoustic guitar is something to commend. So the cheesy love songs grew on me and I became a fan. And if you talk during the set, I will punch you in the face. Just ask Yogi & Nicole.



Who are your not so guilty pleasures?

Desert Island Films

What if you were stuck on a deserted island for an indefinite amount of time? What would be the five movies you would bring with you? CASTAWAY & THE BEACH are automatically eliminated for obvious reasons. It's a pretty difficult decision to make. When I asked my friends their thoughts, some answered TRUE ROMANCE, GOONIES, COMMANDO, THE SHINING, GODFATHER II, GRINDHOUSE, THERE WILL BE BLOOD, NORTH BY NORTHWEST, KILL BILL, PULP FICTION, and ZOMBIE. A decent array of quality films right? Also, let's not forget the whole issue of porn flicks. Without further adieu, here are my top five desert island films.

CADDYSHACK
This is an obvious choice since it is my favorite movie of all time. I actually watch it 2-3 times a month. I watch it when I'm sad, sick, cleaning, and when I just need a good laugh. CADDYSHACK has one of the best ensemble casts ever that includes some of the funniest comedians of our time like Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, and the incredible Bill Murray. I watched this movie for the first time as a kid with my dad. He was a big golfer and I was in love with the gopher. It's funny to think about the lightly vulgar jokes I didn't quit understand as a little girl. "Someone step on a duck?"


THE EXORCIST
As a horror connoisseur, my choice from this genre would be very crucial. It would need to be something timeless, classic, intelligent, and truly frightening. THE EXORCIST embodies all these things. I've watched it a hundred times and could easily watch it a hundred more. Most recently, I was very excited to see THE LAST EXORCISM because I will pretty much watch anything that has Eli Roth's name attached to it. However, after watching it on opening day, I felt really let down. The film itself had great acting and directing but an ending that just fell short. It's impossible to make a movie about possession post EXORCIST; nothing will ever compare to such a masterpiece.



EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
There are two types of nerds in this world: the ones who like STAR TREK and the ones who like STAR WARS. I like STAR WARS. I believe everything you need to know in life is in the Holy Trilogy. Everything a person would need to learn about love, friendship, family, survival, patience, loyalty, right & wrong, and respect is right in these films. EMPIRE just happens to be the best one. We get to see different landscapes, Luke gets stronger, the droids get funnier, Han & Leia get closer, and most of all, we meet Boba Fett.



MULHOLLAND DR.
David Lynch is one of the best directors of our time. I would have to bring one of his films. MULHOLLAND DR. is such a versatile film. It's sexy, funny, smart, visually appealing, and at times frightening. If I were stuck on an island, I would have plenty of time to find all the clues and finally solve the puzzle. Added bonus is that it stars one of my favorite actors, Justin Theroux.



ALMOST FAMOUS
ALMOST FAMOUS is a film I can watch over and over. It's a great story with with some awesome one liners and a great cast. Most importantly, it has an amazing soundtrack. Most films have a music budget of around $1.5 million, this budget was nearly $3.5 million. One of my favorite things about this film are the subtle cameos. Can you spot them all?


Honorable Mention
INGLOUROUS BASTERDS
Being a big QT fan, it's extremely difficult to play favorites with his films. As an honorable mention, I would include BASTERDS because if I were on a deserted island, I would at least have an opportunity to learn several different languages. This film includes French, German, and Italian. It also has the handsome Bear Jew bashing heads with a baseball bat. How can you beat (pun intended) that?

mimicry

So I've been thinking about cover songs a lot lately. Why you ask? Seems like everyone is doing them these days (more than usual). A friend of mine absolutely LOVES cover songs, more so than the originals in many cases. Odd right? Apparently many people share this sentiment, especially younger people. Now that I think about it, when I was a kid I had no idea most of the songs Tiffany sang were covers. How was I supposed to know it was a Beatles song? They weren't on MTV! And the only thing I knew about Paul McCartney was that he did that one song with Michael Jackson where they had blackface. I also read a recent poll that declared Celine Dion's cover of "You Shook Me All Night Long" the worst cover of ALL time. I might be able to come up with worse....maybe

Anyhow, here's a compilation of some of MY favorite covers.

Hole-Gold Dust Woman (Fleetwood Mac)
I know you're thinking this is a bold statement and it is, but hear me out. There's a generation of women who all at one point wanted to be Stevie Nicks; Courtney Love is one of these women. Except she's a little more obsessive about it almost as much as she wanted to be Nancy Spungen. Say what you will about Courtney (we can all agree she's a complete lunatic), but there's something about her that just enthralls people. She's an enigma that might never be explained. Is she a really good musician? Did Kurt/Billy really write those songs? How is she still alive? The world may never know, but I do like this song.


The Clash- I Fought The Law (Sonny Curtis)
What can I say about The Clash that hasn't already been said? Yeah, the Sex Pistols created punk (at least the attitude), but The Clash created the soundtrack. They always paid tribute to other genres of music that influenced their style, for example reggae. However, covering an old 50s tune by Buddy Holly's back-up band was something most people would have never thought of. The lyrics are so universal and makes you think about the problems in the world existing a lot longer than we ever thought.


The Pixies- Head On (Jesus & Mary Chain)
For the most part, I knew who The Pixies were when I was very young. They had already became relatively know in the early 90s. In middle school, I used to stay up on Sunday nights to listen to the local alternative program on the radio. I often recorded it on a cassette tape. One night I heard The Pixies play Head On and the DJ mentioned JAMC. So I did a little digging and discovered one of my all time favorite bands.


Social Distortion- Under My Thumb (Rolling Stones)
In high school, most of my influences were punk bands. I had no idea who was influencing them, nor did I really care. To me The Rolling Stones were a bunch of old dudes. I had this image of Mick Jagger in the worst Miami Vice suit dancing around with David Bowie in that god awful video that shall remain nameless. Once I really listened to the lyrics of this song, I realized how compelling and bold it was. I eventually went back into The Stones' catalog and discovered some of the sexiest songs I have ever heard in my life.


New Order- Ceremony (Joy Division)
Yes, I know it's essentially the same band. Are you really the same band after your lead singer suddenly hangs himself? I feel like this was the song that New Order really had a chance to put the past behind them and move into a new direction. They're famous for not doing interviews and have never talked openly about Ian Curtis' suicide. I don't think they really need to, just listen to Ceremony.


Honorable Mention
Johnny Cash- Hurt (Nine Inch Nails)
This is a pretty intense song, only heightened by the haunting video. It's even harder to watch now that Johnny & June Cash are both dead. Makes you wonder what Johnny would be covering now if he were still around.

PS
I know Kenny would insist on including Placebo's cover of Boys Don't Cry (The Cure) in this list and I would, but it's technically not released on anything. We'll just continue to swoon over two of our favorite guys singing one great song together in this video.


What are your favorite cover songs?

All time scariest!

Some of you that know me are familiar with my affinity for horror films. I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't engrossed in the latest horror film. My obsession began when I was a child, as hobby I shared with my father. At an early age my father always told me I should never be afraid of anything. He assured me that ghosts & goblins were fiction and the real monsters were politicians. On the weekends, he and I would hit the local video store and seek out the most shocking, craziest, and disturbing video box we could find. The two of us would stay up 'til midnight watching movies and eating popcorn & candy. It was thrilling to know that we were kind of breaking the rules. I was well aware (even at the age of 7) that I should not be watching HELLRAISER II. We watched many classics as well, including: CARRIE, THE EXORCIST, FRIDAY THE 13TH, HALLOWEEN, ROSEMARY'S BABY, etc.

I continue the tradition my father and I started. These days I enjoy early 80s American slasher flicks, Asian horror (specifically Japanese & Korean), late 80s/early 90s Italian horror, and current extreme French horror films. However, for the most part I will give nearly anything a try. I feel it's safe to say I am not easily startled. I've seen films that could be considered torture porn (and I don't mean HOSTEL) as well as films that were banned in 30 different countries. I've watched everything from TRACES OF DEATH to IRREVERSIBLE and anything in between. Some of it was amazing and some was complete shit.

Knowing my fixation, I'm often asked what the scariest film is. In most lists I see, THE EXORCIST is often at the top. Don't get me wrong, it is a truly frightening piece of art, but for me it's not the scariest. I was far more fearful of the constant guilt I felt as a Catholic than I was ever fearful of possession. I think the most disturbing film I have ever seen is undoubtedly WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE. I recently noticed that a special screening of it was taking place at The Alamo. The sheer thought of witnessing it on the big screen sent chills up my spine.



For those unfamiliar, here is a synopsis from www.imdb.com:
"Two aging film actresses live as virtual recluses in an old Hollywood mansion. Jane Hudson, a successful child star, cares for her crippled sister Blanche, who's career in later years eclipsed that of Jane. Now the two live together, their relationship affected by simmering subconscious thoughts of mutual envy, hate and revenge."




Now just picture these two over-the-top characters portrayed by Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, two women who inflicted much terror in their own personal lives. Joan Crawford was synonymous with wire hangers and Bette Davis was capable of killing a man with the scrunch of her famous brows. It's also well known that these two women had a feud similar to Burr vs. Hamilton. What would possess these two heavyweights to make a film together? What else....money! Both aging actresses were no longer in their prime and realized they needed to capitalize on whatever they had left. The really frightening aspect of the film is that so much of it mirrored reality! The careers, the competition, the senility were all so real. My unease for this film also stems from an aversion to elderly people. I've seen WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE less than a handful of times because it gives me such anxiety, especially the rat scene. The psychologically twisted plot is completely mind bending. I cautiously recommend you viewing it at least once! So....what's your scariest film?

lost loves

People have such a strange relationship with food. So many of us relate a particular food to a certain event in our lives. And in most cases, it's usually happy times. Why is that? I often feel grief-stricken when something I really enjoy is discontinued. It's like closing the door on a specific point in my life. How many of you feel a little somber when you realize the McRib is gone, even though you know it will eventually be back? Who else misses Choco Tacos, Crunch Tators, or Puddin Pops? Here are my top 5 ALL TIME favorite and dearly missed food/beverage items:

5. Mr. Pibb
Now I'm talking about ORIGINAL Mr. Pibb, NOT Pibb Xtra! Some will argue that Pibb Xtra is the same as Original Pibb but they are mistaken. The way it burned your throat after that first sip has yet to be replicated. I remember drinking copious amounts of Mr. Pibb every time we went to Six Flags AstroWorld. Nothing quenched your thirst quite like it! I will still drink Pibb Xtra as a paltry substitute for the original, it's just not the same.



4. Crystal Clear Pepsi
Am I the only person who actually enjoyed Crystal Pepsi? I've never been a fan of Pepsi in general. To me, it tastes really flat and medicinal. It was so refreshing when Crystal Pepsi came out! There was a crisp, clean taste that I haven't found in any other soft drink. I can only compare it to Sprite, but better. Not many people remember the taste. They only remember the Van Halen song and the SNL gravy skit.


3. Morning Star Mini Corn Dogs
I've never really eaten pork, but I do love a tasty dog. Veggie dogs have been a staple in my diet since I can remember. Morning Star used to make these delicious bite size corn dogs that were straight from heaven. I could eat a whole box of them! I once had a Winona Ryder costume party and served these tasty treats as appetizers. They were such a hit and no one could tell they were not pork. I took it very hard when Morning Star discontinued the minis, but I took it even harder when they recently discontinued the regular dogs. What am I supposed to do? Oh, I'm well aware of Smart Dogs, but Smart Dogs taste like rubber! If I weren't so attached to their bacon, I would completely boycott Morning Star altogether for their rash decisions. Fortunately, I still have a savior in Hot Dog King. Anyone interested in enjoying the BEST veggie dog of all time can find it at a trailer on Red River between 7Th & 8Th St. They don't call him the Hot Dog King of Chicago for nothing!


2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies
Hostess made these pies when The Secret of The Ooze came out. They were similar to the cherry, apple, and chocolate gas station pies we're all familiar with. Only these pies were green! They had a green crust and the filling was a vanilla flavored green pudding. Essentially, the pies looked like something the girl from The Exorcist barfed up, but they were so delectable. The pies also came with a collectible sticker of various scenes in the film. I recall being envied by many kids because everyday I'd open my Ninja Turtle lunchbox to find a glorious pie inside. Just so you know, there's an online petition to bring these beloved pies back!



1. Sparks
It's hard to recall what life was like before Sparks. To sum it up in one word, I'd say "boring." Some of the best/worst decisions I've made in my life were the result of Sparks. We really had a good run together. Just when I thought SXSW couldn't get more ridiculously out of hand, then came Sparks. What a genius idea to combine caffeine and alcohol! And what an even better decision to combine that with vodka & cranberry juice to create the almighty Sparkle Berry (courtesy of Mike Sanchez former Emos bartender). Having an orange tongue was like a badge of honor. Wicked Celtics even wrote a love song to this amazing beverage. I can only compare the Sparkle Berry to drinking unicorns blood while sitting on a cloud inebriated. Why would something so enjoyable be ripped from our clutches? Oh, because asshole parents thought it appealed to kids. The only group of people Sparks appealed to or targeted were hipsters and lushes. Now supposedly, it's been revamped but it's not the same. It's like taking your girlfriend back after she's banged the whole football team. The era of Sparks will live on in infamy. I guess all good things must come to an end.

Can't sleep, clown will eat me

I recently did a project on phobias, specifically coulrophobia. Coulrophobia is the abnormal fear of clowns. I thought I'd share a few things I learned about this condition.

Those unfamiliar with phobias should know that they are defined by an irrational fear of a specific object, situation, or activity. Some sufferers will experience a tightness of breath, sweating, nausea, shaking, or trouble speaking. They are often caused by a traumatic event or genetic predisposition. Ten million americans suffer from phobias and women are twice as affected than men. Some treatments for phobias consist of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, flooding, and medication.

Coulrophobia is one of the most common phobias around. I happen to suffer from it as well. The first time I went to the circus was around the age 7 with my father. I never liked people touching me as a kid. I was always taught never to make eye contact, speak, or touch strangers. Within minutes of settling into my seat, some strange clown marches over to me and begins to pinch my chubby cheeks. My initial response is to kick him as hard as I can. Let me tell you there's nothing scarier than an angry clown who's just been kicked in the shin. Well, I never went back to the circus and I never trusted clowns again.



So what is it about clowns that is so scary? When you think about it, it's impossible to gauge a clown's true intentions. The painted on smiles make it hard to differentiate if the clown is friendly and happy or evil and menacing. The exaggerated features can be very unsettling especially for a child. It kind of all goes back to the fear of the unknown.

Of course later in life, my fear was heightened by movies like IT and KILLER CLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE. Let's not forget Pogo the clown aka John Wayne Gacy or Crazy Joe Davola from Seinfeld. I was always convinced that Bozo and Cookie were secretly child molesters. And have you ever been to Circus Circus in Las Vegas? That place is like a bad acid trip!



Many celebrities also have a fear of clowns. Daniel Radcliffe aka Harry Potter has openly talked about his fear of clowns. Johnny Depp has mentioned having nightmares as a child about evil clowns leering at him. P Diddy has a "no clown" policy in his tour contract.

My fear has subsided a bit as I've gotten older. I still cringe at the thought of the circus however. It's strange how one little experience in our childhood can affect the rest of our lives. What are you afraid of?

The Sandwich Story

I've been repeating this unbelievable tale so much, I figured I'd post it here as well in case you missed it. This is a tale of society's principals(or there lack of) and the degree people will go to for something they want. The story pertains to a friend from work who I will refer to as "Frances."

Frances is a portly middle aged woman who almost always has an upbeat attitude. I wouldn't consider her religious, but worldly spiritual if that makes sense. I respect and applaud her optimistic outlook on life. One day I see her walk in with an enraged look of disgust on her face. I immediately knew something was awry. When I inquire what was the matter, she replies, "that asshole at 7-11 pissed me the fuck off." She begins to reveal the sordid details of her encounter that morning.

Frances stopped at a local convenient store to purchase a particular sandwich she had grown fond of. At the very moment she reaches for the sandwich, a man grasps for it as well. They continue to both clench the sandwich anticipating the other will let go. In a moment of frustration, Frances crushes the sandwich in hopes the man will relent. No words are ever exchanged in the confrontation but it's clear the man will not back down. Squished or not, he is determined to get the sandwich! Frances finally complies and loosens her grip. The triumphant man arrogantly retorts, "I'm sure you'll find something else to eat!" That smart ass remark sent Frances into a fit of rage! She immediately hikes up her skirt with no panties underneath and replies, "EAT THIS BITCH!" She then ran out of the store in defeat.

Side note:
Frances was admitted to the emergency room two days later due to a Sebaceous Cysts on her labia. Which means she had a clogged gland on her nether region that began to swell and needed to be cut open to release fluid. Apparently, this is a common procedure that is akin to popping a zit.

Not only was Frances in an agitated mood from the discomfort in her body, but she flashed an unsuspecting man her swollen vagina over a 7-11 sandwich.