When I grow up

What did you want to be when you grow up?

My first ideal occupation became an obsession for me as a child. From the time I can remember to about middle school I wanted to be an archaeologist. Like many other small children, I was fascinated by dinosaurs and mummies. Ancient dead things were so much more intriguing than real people. When you're shy and awkward, digging up the past is a lot more soothing than being social.

Eventually, I became interested in acting. I had dreams about appearing in episodes of Unsolved Mysteries, seriously. Who wouldn't want to re-enact various crimes of passion or hauntings?! The idea of briefly becoming someone else sounded so appealing. Again being shy and awkward made it uncomfortable being in my own skin.

Later as a teen, I became more confident with myself. I wanted to try my hand at theatre. It just felt like the most revered form of entertainment. Then I got to college and realized I am not a "theatre person." I did not have the over the top personality that comes with being in that business. The dramatic reputation prevented me from actually enjoying the theatre.

Here I am back at the drawing board again. Still unsure of what I want, where I want to be, and who I want to become. I know what I don't want if that makes any difference.

sxsw 2010

Some of you who know me well remember my annual sxsw recap blogs. It was usually a vague synopsis of drunken misadventures. Things that I would now consider somewhat embarrassing like the time I stabbed Bad Sean, or the time I yelled "Hey Frodo, give me a cigarette!" to Elijah Wood(he actually did). And let's not forget that time I punched a guy in the face during Dashboard Confessional. I decided a few months ago I wouldn't attend sxsw this year. I just felt burnt out on the whole novelty. Of course I couldn't stay away. This year was completely different. With the exception of nearly getting run over by a soccer mom in a Lexus suv, nothing outrageous occurred. It's amazing how much one can get done when you are not belligerent. And when did Joseph Gordon-Levitt become the new "former child actor turned indie darling?" At least it isn't a drug addiction. Sorry Frodo there's a new man child in town!

Here's a few highlights from my week:

Darker My Love
I'm not a big fan of the term psychedelic. To me it exudes elitist rock that only middle aged men appreciate. Yes, they do have a very 60s vibe, but it's a little edgy. They first caught my attention a while back as the new project of former members of the Nerve Agents. I also have a soft spot for anyone who names their band after one of the greatest TSOL songs. I saw them a few years ago at sxsw and they totally blew me away. When I saw them this year at Red Eyed Fly, they were even better than last time! I love this guy's voice, it's so captivating.

Evening Rig
How did Minneapolis become a musical goldmine? This band draws many comparisons to The Replacements and I suppose that will happen with any band who shares the same area code as Paul Westerberg. If anything there may be a few similarities to Westerberg's country twang solo abums. As former members of Cadillac Blindside and The Crush it makes sense that they have "that Minneapolis sound." However, they're not really punk and they're not really country. Jason Miller has written some of the best lyrics I've ever heard. I got to see them play to a small crowd at Liberty and it was awesome.


Billy Bragg
I've been fortunate enough not only to meet Billy Bragg but to see him perform on several occasions. Each time is incredible and reminds me why I need to fight the good fight. His witty banter between songs is both endearing and motivating. How can he simultaneously write some of the greatest love songs AND inspiring political songs. His set at the Mess With Texas show was wonderful. He played to probably the most progressive collection of people in town that whole week.


Cheap Trick
What more can be said than IT'S CHEAP FUCKING TRICK!? They played a nice long set at Auditorium Shores. Not only did they throw out the hits, but also a touching tribute to Alex Chilton with "In the Street." The icing on the cake was when they came out for an encore and played my favorite tune "The Flame." It made my whole week!

Mariachi El Bronx
I got to hand it to The Bronx. For a bunch of white dudes who play mariachi music, they actually pull it off. I almost like this project better than the regular Bronx. Can someone enlighten me on the white dude's fascination with the hispanic culture? They're bewitched by our food, beer, music, and most of all women. Just curious not that there's anything wrong with that.


Here's some tips in case you want to ever attend sxsw:

1. Do NOT wear your badge at non badge functions. This is usually an unspoken rule, but this year I saw several offenders. Wearing your badge to non badge functions says two things about you. Number one- "I have money to throw around so PLEASE rob me." or number two- " I sort of work in the music industry but don't know anything about music, I just wanted to brag that I saw Muse for the 10th time." PS- Muse sucks.

2. Do NOT let people stay at your house for sxsw ever! I know this sounds really harsh since most of us have at least one friend in town visiting. Trust me on this one. It's hard enough to be responsible for yourself the whole week let alone someone who doesn't even know what time zone they're in. Things get really crazy and the last thing you need is to babysit. Someone is bound to ask you for a place to crash so just respectfully tell them there is no room at the inn.

3. Do NOT forget to tip! Yeah that Lone Star tall boy might be free but the guy serving it to you isn't hanging out for his health unless the bartender is Bill Murray. Yeah you don't live here but have some respect for the people who do. The bartenders work their ass off all week long and a buck here and there isn't gonna kill you.

I hope you guys had as much fun and maybe, just maybe I'll see you next year. I just wish I could have seen QT. PS-The steady diet of bar food did catch up with me in the end.

I'm in love with that song

I never understood why Big Star never got huge. If you haven't heard them, I highly suggest checking out their catalog. I mean they were such a major influence on music. Their catchy pop songs changed the face of indie/alternative music. I was very excited to hear about them playing for the first time in years at sxsw. I guess it just wasn't meant to be because today I hear that Alex Chilton has died of a heart attack. Now he really will be a legend.



I wish Paul Westerberg would write a song about me.


THE REPLACEMENTS - Alex Chilton
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Bye Corey

Say what you will about Corey Haim. As an actor, he brought a lot of joy to anyone who came of age in the 80s. He taught me to not fear vampires, he made me want a Mercedes instead of a BMW, and most of all he taught me to "Dream A Little Dream"! Here's a little something from the peak of his career. He will be missed!

mixtape of life

Have you ever wondered what the mixtape to your life will be? It's been on my mind a lot lately. Here's a few gems i've picked up along the way so far.

My birth
Hands down "Love Me Tender" by The King. It's the song my daddy used to sing to me as long as I can remember. He even got me a little music box that played it for me when he was gone.


My death
I've always been a bit unconventional therefore, my funeral will be the same. What better way to go out than to have Queen & David Bowie sing "Under Pressure" while your coffin is being lowered into the ground. What a victorious song for a closing curtain.


My adolescence
My mother worked a lot when I was young. She would drop me off at her friend's home who was a secretary at the catholic school I attended each morning at 6:00am. I'd sit and eat my ziploc bag of dried cereal and watch TV until it was time to carpool to school. We didn't have cable at home so I was psyched to be watching the Flintstones Kids and music videos all morning. I was at the age when music started to become more relevant in my life. New Order's Republic had just came out and "Regret" was the best song I had ever heard. I still relate to that song more than anything else I can think of. All my friends were listening to Nirvana, Pearl Jam, RHCP, Soundgarden, etc. I couldn't relate to that stuff, it was so angry. I wanted to hear silly songs by The Cure, New Order, and Moz. I had no idea how important New Order was or who the hell Joy Division was for that matter. All I knew was that I was in love with that song for the rest of my life.


dating
I can correlate nearly every Jawbreaker song to a certain relationship or former flame in my life. At this point, I have nothing but fond memories of those times because they were good lessons learned. I curse Blake for making me fantasize about the same kind of heartache and pain he went through. However, I'm grateful he continues to seduce me with his witty lyrics. The song that started it all was "Want." I'll never forget the boy in 8th grade who called me and played that song over the phone. If I knew then what I know now about love, I would've hung up the phone a long time ago.


Friendship
The Descendents are the kind of band that make people connect. When you're flipping through someone's record collection/secretly judging them and you find "I Don't Want To Grow Up" it's like an epiphany. You know this person has felt the same as you before. You know they're kind of weird and awkward just like you. I have the best memories singing along to "Hope" on long road trips with my friends. Then I actually got to drive Houston in the spring of 1997 not only to see them play, but meet them as well. Your Descendents friends are the kind of people you want to hold on to for the rest of your life.


Man, I could go on and on, but I'll stop right here because my mixtape is just beginning. There's so much more to come.

Home Sweet.....?

This past week I had the ubiquitous task of cleaning out my childhood home in preparation of renting it out and eventually selling. So I ventured back to the Gulf of Mexico not knowing what was in store for me. This daunting chore is something I've dreaded for the last 10 yrs. Imagine coming to the realization that your own sweet lovable mother is a hoarder.


I mean hoarder in the most extreme sense! I'm talking about stockpiling the most mundane items like towels, tissues, wrapping paper, science projects, birthday cards, etc. To my shock I found a dilapidated home covered in filth and spewing junk from every corner. There was old term papers, drawings from 2nd grade, mason jars, you name it. I suppose I didn't realize how physically AND emotionally demanding this job would be. I came to realize my mother was always like this, in one form or another. She always saved everything. However, the obsessive collecting has just gotten worse over the years.

Not only was mother's home in ruin, but so was the neighborhood. What was once a thriving neighborhood was now a shell of the community it used to be. I've often had dreams of my hometown and the visions in my head are a far cry of what it is now. I'm not embarrassed that I came from a small town or a questionable neighborhood, nor do I deny it. I came to Austin like many other bright eyed teens searching for a creative outlet. I also vowed never to return home. Over time I have come to appreciate my hometown. I made some wonderful friends and I have a lot more respect for art & music. These were things people in big cities take for granted because they are regularly bombarded with them. I had to seek out different kinds of music, film, and art.

The harshest lesson of this week was realizing that I'm officially an adult because I no longer have a place to go home to. It's now up to me to create a home for myself. Fortunately, I have some really supportive people around to help me. As scary as it seems, I look forward to building a home. I'll also feel a sense of pride every time I watch THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN.

pass the popcorn

Kind of late to the party, but I felt the need to summarize my favorite films from 2009 and the last decade. I'll throw in a few I'm looking forward to this year.

Best of 2009
1. Inglourous Basterds- flawless
2. Antichrist- mind blowing
3. Whatever Works- Woody Allen & Larry David are a match made in Jewish heaven
4. Zombieland- zombie strippers, twinkies, Van Halen, Bill fucking Murrary....all the things I love
5. Extract- Bateman is the new Cusack and Mike Judge is still clever as hell
6. Anvil- know someone in a band? make them watch this film
7. Up In The Air- This might cancel out Batman & Robin for Clooney
8. The Limits of Control- weird, confusing, long, slow, beautiful...I expect no less from Jarmusch


Best of the Decade

1. Irreversible- extraordinary from end to beginning
2. Old Boy- M. Night Shyamalan wishes he could write twists like this
3. Battle Royale- the Japanese have turned this genre into art
4. American Psycho- I never get tired of lovable serial killers
5. High Fidelity- who hasn't wanted to work in a record store
6. Lost in Translation- my heart melts every time he sings "What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding"
7. Let the Right One In- one of the best love stories ever written
8. Mulholland Dr.- weird, creepy, funny, sexy, pure Lynch
9. Wet Hot American Summer- never laughed harder
10. The Royal Tenenbaums- amazing ensemble cast

Of course I'm looking forward to Alice in Wonderland like every other recovering goth chick with a crush on Johnny Depp. I'm also looking forward to Shutter Island because Scorsese has been stepping up his game. I am NOT looking forward to the Nightmare on Elm St. remake. Thank you Hollywood for slaughtering my childhood with a fancy new bladed glove.

Anxiously anticipating

Inception (July 16th)- Christopher Nolan needs a break from Batman and so do I
The Social Network (Oct 15th)- David Fincher meets Facebook...surely he has a plan
Machete (Apr 16th)- Danny Trejo reeks havok on ATX....yes please
Iron Man 2 (May 7th)- Justin Theroux wrote this
Clash of the Titans (Mar 26th)- pointless eye candy is ok sometimes as long as James Cameron is NOT involved
The American (Dec 17th)- it's Anton Corbijin
Black Swan (2010)- only Aronofsky can trick me into watching something with Natalie Portman