Wanderlust

I didn't see this film in the theater because I had a bad feeling about it. Once again, my gut was right. We went to a special screening of WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER last year with Joe Lo Truglio and he mentioned this film that David Wain wrote. He said he was playing a nudist at this hippy commune. I wasn't sure what to make of it. The State people are probably the funniest group of comedians I have ever seen. Most of the time their films are gold, i.e. THE BAXTER, ROLE MODELS, and THE TEN. Unfortunately, this film did not measure up to any of those films. I really hope this next project (THEY CAME TOGETHER) Wain is working on turns out better. WANDERLUST is filled with asinine jokes that totally miss the mark. This was the only funny part: I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: Jennifer Aniston was the weakest link in this film. I've only seem a couple films in which she starred and she's the same character in each. The attractive yet sardonic love interest. She played the same character in OFFICE SPACE and LEPRECHAUN. It was very obvious that she was the odd man out in this otherwise incredible cast. It also pains me to think that as a result of this shitty movie, Aniston developed a relationship with the beloved Justin Theroux. I generally try to avoid actors/directors personal lives. However, while researching various films, I tend to come across a lot of this fodder. I've been a big fan of Theroux since MULHOLLAND DRIVE so I have developed an affinity for him that supersedes other actors (he's no Gary Oldman though) I enjoy. He was an accomplished writer long before Aniston came along. I just can't support an artist who built their name on a haircut (a very bad haircut at that).

Prometheus

Most of you have seen PROMETHEUS by now and are well aware of the tragic descent the film takes after the first half. It's no secret I am not a Ridley Scott fan, But I did expect more from him. I think Scott is a self-indulgent, racist prick who suffers from James Cameron syndrome. Originally, I intended to write a review of this fiasco, but then I read the piece on Badass Digest. Honestly, I could not have said it better than Sam Strange. I only wish I could write with such eloquence! Instead I will talk about other stuff. If you do in fact see PROMETHEUS, be sure to see it at the Alamo Drafthouse. The pre-show is great and worth the ticket price. You get to see all the viral videos that were floating around before the release and a lot of other funny videos made by fans. Also, DO NOT see it in 3D. Honestly guys, 3D is as played out as every single DARK KNIGHT RISES trailer I have seen for the last 2yrs. Speaking of, I just don't even care anymore about DARK KNIGHT RISES (not that I really did before)! I'm just so sick of seeing Ratwoman and Logan Marshall-Bane. Also, I came to realize that JGL is in every fucking summer blockbuster of 2012. Not that I'm complaining; I love JGL's superior acting skills. I have heard decent things about this LOOPER film, although, the trailer looked kinda lame. Then we saw a trailer for PREMIUM RUSH, and I kinda thought it was a funny joke the Alamo was playing on us. Nope, JGL stars in a film that's basically SPEED but on a bicycle. I have not heard that much laughter from a crowd since the last Mr. Sinus screening I went to. Does anyone else think this latest SPIDERMAN reboot is a total joke? Have you seen the trailer? It looks awful! It's very disappointing because I really like Andrew Garfield. I think he has a ton of potential, but this role couldn't be more wrong for him. I'm a big fan of H.R. Giger's exquisite art. PROMETHEUS reminded me how brilliant and ahead of his time he is. In the end, PROMETHEUS is visually stunning, but the script leaves something to be desired. Most of the audience began laughing as the credits rolled. I left the theater longing to re-visit ALIEN & ALIENS which is what Ridley Scott should have done instead of making this film.

Dark Shadows

I really struggled with myself whether to review this film. Like all good mothers say, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." However, I am sick and tired of being consistently disappointed by Tim Burton. Someone needs to put their foot down, and that someone will be me. Picture it: a young effervescent man falls in love with a beautiful bewitching woman. They live together harmoniously for several years until one day the man falls for a manipulating troll. The gorgeous witch is heartbroken and lays a curse on the man. Sounds like a fairy tale? Or maybe the plot to DARK SHADOWS? No, this is Tim Burton's life. Ever since he dumped Lisa Marie (the model) for Helena Bonham Carter, his career has taken a plunge into Ed Wood territory (pun intended). It seems as though Lisa Marie cursed Burton to make shitty films showcasing the ever acerbic Carter. Critics and fans have all noticed, but this recent project is a new low. With Lisa Marie, Burton was creative, dark, and whimsically inspiring. He based the Sally character in NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS on her. With Carter, he is boring, trite, and unapologetically bland. She has been a main character in all his films since the train wreck that is PLANET OF THE APES. Back to the film. I love the original series of Dark Shadows. I also loved the 90s revival. The Burton film is an abomination compared to either. Remember the predictable "fish out of water" movie theme? Yep, he goes there and it couldn't be more pathetic. I get Burton was trying to be comical, but too much camp equals absurdity. The original series was notoriously campy. It existed on a very low budget that often did not enable reshoots or second takes. There was a lot of lines flubbed, set pieces falling down, and even visible boom mikes. Notwithstanding, the nature of the series was a dramatic serial. True, these mishaps added charm to the show, but it was never intended to be humorous. That was Burton's first mistake. Casting: I followed this project for two arduous years. Johnny Depp initially said he was born to play Barnabas Collins. Apart of me still believes that. The other part says it is time for Johnny to move on. This is the eighth film Burton & Depp have done together. Their relationship has withstood most Hollywood marriages. Although, like many other long term relationships, the luster will fade. In the immortal words of Steve Perry, I think it's time Burton & Depp each go their separate ways. Depp could have been great as the dashing Barnabas, but Burton's dismal direction made him out to be Count Chocula. Michelle Pfeiffer She was wonderful as the family matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard. She played the part of a well to do, poised, dame. This role reminded me of how much I loved her in BATMAN RETURNS. Eva Green Green was utterly enchanting as Angelique. She really brought life to the role of the scorned witch/bitch. She may have been the only rewarding thing in this film. Chloe Moretz Grace Grace was so terrible as Carolyn Stoddard. She had the absolute worst lines in the entire film.

"What? I'm a werewolf, let's not make a big deal out of it...Woof"

I am completely shocked that someone actually wrote that line and thought it sounded good enough for a film. I know there's been a lot of hype around Grace, but this little girl is just not cut out for the horror world. She needs to be taught a lesson about overacting. Jonny Lee Miller is usually on his game, but again he was lost on this sinking ship. His character was very underdeveloped and forgettable. Jackie Earle Haley suffered a similar fate. Whoever played Josette/Victoria I don't even care to look this girl's name up on IMDB because we will probably never see her again in anything. Victoria is supposed to be a strong, independent, yet compassionate woman. Instead this role turned out like a scared, fragile little girl. She and Depp had NO chemistry whatsoever. In fact, it was uncomfortable to watch their romantic scenes. It looked like Johnny Depp dressed as Michael Jackson kissing a high school student. She was the most insipid and painful part of this film. And what was with the extended Alice Cooper performance? Was it necessary to insert a big budget video in the middle of the film? Were we gonna magically forget that we paid way too much money to see this steamy turd? NO! I won't even get into all the cheap product placement either. I will say that the sets and costumes were lovely, but that's about it. This should really be an obituary for Tim Burton because he's FUCKING DEAD TO ME!

The Avengers

I figured by now, the dust on THE AVENGERS would have settled but it seems it is still the hot film to see this summer. (PROMETHEUS is not out yet) As of this post, it is still number two at the box office following MEN IN BLACK III. I have no idea why anyone would see that? I wasn’t really sure what to expect from this film having not seen any of the other movies that tie in to it. I am generally adverse to comic book films just because of the lack of continuity and terrible acting. Case in point: DAREDEVIL, GHOST RIDER, SPIDERMAN, SUPERMAN (new ones), TANK GIRL, and pretty much all the X-MEN films & spin-offs. Glitz & glam tend to be substituted for plot & acting. I realize the people who make these films are trying to appeal to a wider audience than the average comic book nerd. However, if you are going to rely on a comic book as the main source material, at least make an attempt to follow the storyline.

With that being said, I chose to lift my ban on comic book films because of one reason: Joss Whedon. I’m not going to go into how brilliant he (you can read previous posts for that). I will say that I was a die-hard Whedonite long before anyone was assembling anything; even long before he propelled Nathan Fillion into stardom. Let me just get this out of the way first; this film would have been shit if it were not for Joss Whedon. His directing, writing, and dialogue made this film the success that is has become.

I have since gone back to watch the previous films (so far IRON MAN, IRON MAN II, & THOR). They are all pretty mediocre with the exception of IRON MAN which is slightly above sub par. I respect Kenneth Branagh for tackling THOR; the mythological aspect of the story is right up his Shakespearean alley. However, the acting and script was once again menial.

Some things I liked about it: Mark Ruffalo. He may be the best Bruce Banner we’ve seen since Bill Bixby (RIP). I cannot say enough how captivating this role was. Then there’s Whedon’s famous dialogue. Who else would throw in a POINT BREAK reference besides Joss?

Whedon is so revered for his famous dialogue that at one point, it began to hinder him in the Buffy days. Critics kept saying, “Oh it’s just the dialogue that makes this show work.” To prove them all wrong, Whedon made an entire episode of Buffy with absolutely no dialog at the height of the series. To this day, “Hush” is one of the most popular & loved episodes of Buffy. For a film that is centered around narcissistic male superheroes, Whedon still managed to throw in his trademark strong female characters. Black Widow would be the obvious choice here, but I won’t get into that just yet. Then there’s Agent Robin Scherbatsky who has mastered the role of the strong female character. One of my favorite characters in the film (maybe in the Marvel Universe) is Pepper Potts. Tony Stark talks a big talk, but Pepper is the HBIC. She’s the one running the show while Tony is out being a capricious, billionaire, playboy, superhero.

Agent Phil Coulson is also a charming character who has finally been showcased in this franchise. Unfortunately, he meets an untimely demise. Clark Gregg is a truly delightful and underrated actor. You may remember his directing debut CHOKE (the Chuck Palahniuk adaptation). I got to go to an advanced screening of CHOKE when he did a Q&A for it. He's as amusing in person as he is on the big screen.

Some things I did not like: Scarlett Johansson. She might be one of the most one dimensional actresses of this time. Her sex appeal has taken her far, but that aloof damsel routine isn’t fooling anyone anymore (not even Ryan Reynolds). Speaking of Ryan Reynolds, his character Green Lantern finally came out, isn't it about time he did as well?

I've heard several complaints about RDJ and his excessive confabulations. If anyone is familiar with Tony Stark, you will remember that he is a pompous, self indulgent, egotistical, alcoholic. Also, he is a comic book character, which means he was intended to be over the top. These characters are not meant to be relatable; they are meant to be larger than life. I believe RDJ really makes this role his own, but keeps true the nature of Stark.

I do appreciate the fact that this franchise has renewed a love for comic books in a whole new generation. One of my favorite writers, Joe Hill (novels & comic books) often plays devil's advocate by suggesting various "geek fights." Recently, he asked the question, "What series is more influential? Harry Potter or the Marvel Universe?" Of course I chose Marvel. Comic books have influenced generations of people young & old for several decades. Whereas Harry Potter has influenced one generation of children and twenty something girls. Not only do comic books encourage reading, but also a passion for art, and a respect for good morals.

Samuel L Jackson is always entertaining as Nick Fury. Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye was boring and forgettable. Tom Hiddleston was wonderful as Loki. Also, come to find out, the character "The Other" was played by none other than Alexis Denisof. For those who don't know, Denisof played Wesley on Buffy and just so happens to be married to Willow in real life. I also found it interesting that they completely left out Dr. Henry Pym (Ant Man) & his wife, Janet Van Dyne (Wasp) who were apart of the original Avengers. This was probably due to a time issue since the film clocks in well over two hours. Much of the film also consists of back story.

Overall, THE AVENGERS is an enjoyable film, whether you are/are not well versed in the Marvel Universe.

Beach Trip 2012

It's that time of the year again friends! The time where we complain incessantly about the summer heat while driving around aimlessly searching for a shaded parking spot. It's also the time of the year when Chad, Kenny, Ross, and I embark on our annual Beach Trip. The four of us make our way down to the Gulf Coast to partake in some fun in the sun. This year we stayed at the illustrious Pirates Crossing Condominium which was ever so appropriate since there was much pillage and plunder to take place. We had a wonderful balcony view of Lake Padre. We watched the sunset each night while sipping Tom Arnolds (sweet tea vodka + lemonade). The actual beach was just a couple blocks away. Some of you may recognize Padre Island as the setting of the cult classic film, THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN.

There was also a quaint little fishing dock right below us. None of us really fish so it made for a great drinking dock.

Saturday, we spent the day at the Texas State Aquarium. It had been at least fifteen years since I last paid a visit to the Aquarium. They've added a ton of new features that are pretty awesome. When I was a kid, during the summer I'd ride the bus to The Aquarium everyday just to watch them feed the sharks in the morning. Later on, they added albino alligators. Now there's otters, dolphins, stingrays, birds, and sea turtles. My favorite part of the tour was the jellyfish exhibit. I could just drop acid and spend the day there. Check out Ross' Instagram for some great pics. Chad was a bit bummed we didn't get to visit the Lexington battleship, but I could not express enough how utterly lame it is. I'm sure it's on par with the summer blockbuster hit BATTLESHIP.

My dear friend Ruth & her husband, John were able to spend the evening with us. It's always nice to catch up with old friends. Later on that night, Ross thought it would be a great idea to jump off the deck into the lake. His judgement may have been clouded by a few cocktails, but that's neither here nor there. Unfortunately, he did not assess the situation properly and only realized once he was in the water that it may be difficult to get out of the water. Kenny and I tried our damnedest to pull him out, but to no avail. Then Ross decided to climb out where the boating docks were. Little did he know the docks were covered in dangerously sharp barnacles. By the end of it all, poor little Ross looked like he got into a fight with Edward Scissorhands. Thanks to Kenny & Chad for thinking on their feet a rushing to the store to get first aid and Whataburger taquitos.

One of the highlights of our trip was re-visiting the Whataburger by the Bay. Whataburger by the Bay is an elegant display of architecture. This glorious two-story structure sits in the middle of downtown Corpus Christi overlooking the Bay. It truly is a Texas treasure!

Our drive home to Austin resembled a funeral dirge. Everyone was a bit tired (partied out), sun beaten, and sleepy. Ross is still recovering from his head to toe war wounds. Chad apparently did not apply a sufficient amount of sunscreen because by Monday he looked like the Red Hulk. During our visit, I kept thinking, "I could totally live on the beach." In hindsight, I would probably get my Goth membership taken away and I'd get sick of all the sand in weird places. Also, by the end of the trip, I couldn't be happier to be back in Austin where I belong. And really missed my pooch.

All in all, it was a great trip with great friends and I look forward to next year's! Special thanks to The Turkey, Chad, Kenny, Ruth, John, and Whataburger. Have a great summer everyone!

Cabin In The Woods

ATTENTION: SERIOUS SPOILERS AHEAD! DO NO READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS FILM YET!!! SERIOUSLY, I MEAN IT! DO NOT RUIN THE SURPRISE.

I cannot get this film out of my head! I watched it again this weekend to get a better look at the infamous white board. All I can say is that CABIN is an orgasmic delight for any horror fan. Just when I condemned American Horror to the pits of Uwe Boll hell, here comes one of the most refreshing game changing films I've seen in a long time. I will be the first to admit that I was skeptical in the beginning. I followed the progress of this film because Joss Whedon wrote the script and Drew Goodard was directing. Everyone knows Joss as the Patron Saint of Sci-Fi, soon to be golden boy of the comic world. Goodard got his start writing episodes for the greatest show on Earth, Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I decided to put my trust and faith in Joss and give this film a shot. He hasn't let us down yet.

This film was shot in 2009, but sat on the shelf due to conflicts between the studio and Joss Whedon. The studio initially wanted the film to be in 3D and Joss would not have it. The film is perfect without 3D. When will people learn that 3D does not make things better!? Flash forward to Friday the 13th of April 2012: I went in to the theater with no clue what to expect. I refused to read spoilers and I had only seen one trailer. I even missed the Alamo pre-show upon first screening so I couldn't even draw conclusions from that. The first introductory scene of the five young people was nothing out of the ordinary. As soon as I heard Jules & Curt joking about the famous 80s drug PSA, I immediately remembered I was in Whedon's World and all would be right. Aw yes, there's that classic Whedon-speak that we have all grown to love. Seriously, not since John Hughes has one man come to understand young people and vernacular so well. Another special treat was seeing old favorites Amy Acker (Fred from Angel) and Tom Lenk (Andrew from Buffy).

Joss and Goodard obviously have a lot of love and respect for the horror genre. This film is sort of a homage to horror of the past. I think it also does a great job of calling out the current sad state of American Horror. CABIN is a testament to the banal formula of horror films that have come from the US in the last twenty years. It definitely pokes fun of the unoriginality that has become a steady flow in Hollywood. Here's what Joss had to say about it:

"On another level it's a serious critique of what we love and what we don't about horror movies. I love being scared. I love that mixture of thrill, of horror, that objectification/identification thing of wanting definitely for the people to be alright but at the same time hoping they’ll go somewhere dark and face something awful. The things that I don't like are kids acting like idiots, the devolution of the horror movie into torture porn and into a long series of sadistic comeuppances. Drew and I both felt that the pendulum had swung a little too far in that direction."

Ok, on to the monsters! There's a scene where Amy Acker explains that the monsters are something our nightmares are from. I read one message board post about how it felt like when we were kids and we made GI Joe, He-Man, Ninja Turtles, Batman, and Thundercats action figures battle it out all at once. I love that instead of re-creating THE EVIL DEAD, they wrote a love letter to it and all the other slasher films we grew up with. Did you notice the Deadites on the white board? How about the rape tree? All the references really warmed my heart. I love the HELLRAISER hints, the FRIDAY THE 13TH nods, and especially the Ripley cameo. And what can I say about the unicorn or merman other than BRAVO! I like to think that the giant snake is a nod to Mayor Wilkins from season 3 of Buffy. I also believe the Cabin signifies the ultimate Hellmouth containing the biggest bad we ever saw since The First. There were so many wonderful innuendos that I thought my head would explode from excitement.

I just wanna thank Joss Whedon for restoring my hope in my all time favorite film genre. I would expect no less from such an extraordinary filmmaker. He's one of the few people who create, as a fan for other fans. CABIN truly is a beautiful puzzle for horror fans to study and critique. Take notes Zack Snyder and James Wan! Don't be surprised to see CABIN IN THE WOODS on my Best of 2012 List. PS- I actually might watch THE AVENGERS now.

The Hunger Games

A lot of people were surprised that I actually saw this film. I figured I'd give my take on it since everyone seems to have an opinion on the number one film currently at the box office.



I guess THE HUNGER GAMES isn't the typical film I would be interested in, but I really wouldn't be a true film enthusiast if I only watched Tarantino productions. My main apprehension about watching it was specifically the director, Gary Ross. I wasn't so convinced about seeing a film directed by the man that brought us SEABISCUIT and PLEASANTVILLE. Let me get this clear; I love film. I pride myself in an extensive knowledge of a wide range of film. It's true I love the usual suspects (Jarmusch, Lynch, Kubrick, Miike), but I also love Cameron Crowe, Gus Van Sant, Scorsese, Gregg Araki, and on occasion Harold Ramis. I'm currently on an Ingmar Bergman kick. Sometimes I have to watch things I normally wouldn't. Films are not always what you expect them to be. For example, no one knew Kubrick's final film would be a steamy pile of turds. By the way, I blame Scientology for that failure. No one knew WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER would be a masterpiece in comedy. Cult classics are notoriously box office bombs upon release or panned by critics. No one realizes that they will be appreciated much later down the line. Who knows, we may be sitting on a goldmine with THE ROOM.



Back to THE HUNGER GAMES. I heard about the books before the film a while ago from my friend Ruth, and they sounded really interesting. Dystopian society themes aren't my thing, but the concept really caught my attention. Also, the fact that such a heavy topic was illustrated for a young adult audience. I will not argue semantics over whether or not Suzanne Collins really knew about BATTLE ROYALE before or after she wrote her novels. Most naysayers have yet to even watch both films to legitimately discuss the two on any sophisticated level.



Yes, I realize there are startling similarities. As I said before, it's really comparing apples and oranges. I love BATTLE ROYALE, possibly even more than the average fanboy. One of my greatest passions is Asian Horror. I do not think it's a valid argument to compare THE HUNGER GAMES to BATTLE ROYALE. Although they exist in parallel universes, these films/books are intended for two completely different audiences. They also have two completely different messages. The impression I get from HUNGER GAMES is that it's more about class struggle. BATTLE ROYALE is more of an examination of the pure savagery of the human psyche.



Here's some things I liked about THE HUNGER GAMES: Jennifer Lawrence! I cannot remember the last time I saw a young actress with such talent. I became a fan of Lawrence after watching her chilling performance in WINTER'S BONE which earned her an Oscar nomination. This girl is gonna go very far. Woody Harrelson and Lenny Kravitz are also great in their supporting roles. I also enjoyed Elizabeth Banks and Wes Bentley. I like how the relevancy of the current Occupy Movement tied in so well with the storyline. It almost creates a mirror to our own society's strife.



Some things I did not like: the two male love interests! Her partner in the game fell a little short (no pun intended) for me. It's almost as if the director went to great lengths to portray him extra feeble compared to Katniss. This was completely unnecessary since her character stands out on her own without any assistance. I think it's really fucked up that a lot of critics are saying Jennifer Lawrence looked "too healthy" to be a poor, starving kid. She's an actress not a Trollson Twin! Also, the brooding boy back home was a bit too cardboard cutout. He seemed to be thrown in just for teenage eye candy. The other villain-esque contestants came off very one dimensional. I understand it's hard to develop so many characters without creating time constraints. However, this underdevelopment portrayed the pack as foolish & asinine distractions.


With all that said, did I think THE HUNGER GAMES was the worst movie ever? Certainly not! Was it the best movie ever? No, but it is worth seeing at least once. Since this is a film based on a young adult novel, you should always keep that in mind. When I was a kid, I admired mutant turtles and millionaire playboys who dressed up as bats. It's definitely a breath of fresh air to see a character young girls can actually relate to; a character who is strong, smart, stubborn, and honest. This is a much better example to look up to than some dense, damsel in distress who's trying to bang a werewolf & vampire at the same time.



It's true I am extremely opinionated when it comes to film. I usually trust my instincts when choosing something to watch and I'm usually right. For the most part, I try to give everything (within reason) a chance. Except for James Cameron, he doesn't deserve shit. Anyhow, I enjoyed THE HUNGER GAMES, but I'm not gonna run to Hot Topic to buy a t-shirt. I am curious to see how the next two installments play out after the success of this one. Stay tuned!